Breath in and out. Deeply and calmly. Focus your mind on the breath and let the present moment take over your senses. Love will permeate and enfold you when you are connected to the moment and the breath. Stay there… breath from there… OMmmmmm…
You might have guessed with the title… Nathan and I are separating. He’s decided to take advantage of the life he has now instead of waiting for some kind of future dream.
Yup…
What can I say… I’m losing my other half and I’m sad about it. I’m happy that he’s making his life something worth living. I’m happy we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other before he leaves.
I’m wish I could block out the fears I have about the future. I never worried about anything… We always had our dream. Now I have an empty canvas that can be painted anyway I choose. For now my biggest worry is finding a roommate… Who’s going to put up with me and my neuroses!?! 
I have been really lucky to find that my friends are there whenever I need them… And that I have so many.
I guess the karma of my past relationships has caught up to me. I’m sad it had to go so fast… but maybe that was just to ease the blow.
Peace and Love
I last posted one month ago. So far the mantra has faded from existence and I am more than ever projecting myself into a fantasy world of emulated SNES games. It’s funny because I feel like I’m always at extremes. Every time I feel I’ve made ground in understanding I fall back into, and ever more often worse into the drama that caused the initial problem. Where’s the balance? Is this life’s evil game it tries to play? Will I ever find the balance… can I?!? Whatever, wherever, or however just this simple monolog brings to the forefront of my mind what practices are helping and which are inhibiting.Lately I’ve been trying to work with breath. I find it to be the most present provoking action. Connecting to the breath is connecting to the present moment. from there I have been trying to reach outward and experience the world with total awareness on the breath. But the level of focus and presence goes quickly because I am like a child trying to walk for the first time, but with no help from onlookers. This is a step only I can take. The path is unique to me… as it is for anyone.For now I’m thankful more and more for my friends. They’ve shown me no matter what I do I will be forgiven and given a second chance. I also am so thankful for Nathan. He is my life partner and I could not have ever imagined a more perfect person to spend my life with. Thanks to all of you… I know I thank you all a lot in my blog… but it really isn’t enough.Peace and Love