Life’s Purpose… Today

Published by Derek under Personal on October 14, 2009

I have been very self loathing lately. I’m also been regretful of a lot of my actions in the past week. I feel overwhelmed with negative thoughts in my head. It’s always something that reminds me of some stupid mistake or an inevitable moment in time that hasn’t happened. It’s very rare for me to be bombarded with depression from every angle. Yesterday I just felt like I didn’t want to do anything because I was just too nervous about the future and sick from the past.

But in the past 48 hours I have been making attempts at staying present. My biggest help has been my new mantra: Be Here Now, Now Be Here. Through that mantra I came to realize my life’s immediate purpose and the cause of most of my stress…….

MONEY!!!!!!!!!! MONEY!!!!!!!! MONEY!!!!!!!!!!

I have come back to the working world to pay off debt and make money. That is my purpose…. For now… I know it’s a lame revolution but it makes sense as to why I’m feeling down. Instead of putting my energy in securing as much money as I can to pay off the debt I owe, I’m just floating around with aloof thoughts running in my head. Months later after returning I’m just making excuses as to why I don’t want to work. It should be my volition. I don’t want to just live for money but it’s what I need to do right now… AS FAST AS POSSIBLE! I only need a year and I’ll be free… and possibly sooner!!!

So when I figured this out the future just seemed like a waiting game that I just needed to find the path of least resistance. I started to accept it. I feel better and more able to continue with things… we’ll see… I am holding to the vision of living with no debt… Being free…

Peace and Love