Three Days

Published by Derek under Personal on December 30, 2007

Sorry I haven’t written a post in a while, but I have been away from a computer for almost a week. I came on tonight reluctantly due to my overworked mind and body to blog about my current situation.

I spent three very beautiful days with my boyfriend Joe this past week. It was planned but very poorly so. The idea was to spend some time together during my three day vacation, but it ended up turing into a marathon run towards what would seem like my hand in marriage.

It started off great with an early start with him mom and sister on Christmas morning. Then things turned for the worse. When his grandparents arrived, we realized that after three weeks we hadn’t learned enough about each other to really feel comfortable in the situation we were in. I felt invisible really. Not that I was not interacting, because I would never just not speak. I actually just couldn’t seem to connect with the people that meant so much to Joe, because him and I don’t really mean that much to each other. I’m not saying we don’t care about each other. I just think that we are still only in the exciting stage of an early relationship.

Basically things just started to get too fast and then they got even faster. The rest of the day was spent talking about it all, and then I had to spend the next two days with him and his friends. I loved it. Seriously I had a great time relaxing and enjoying the conversations. I just couldn’t stand that Joe and I were not spending the time we had expected to be spending together. It really ate away at me the last day. I couldn’t seem to get it out of my mind and on top of that all, there’s more.

The last night before I was dropped off and had to say goodbye, we all went to a tarot/palm reader. It was amazing for me. I was told the most beautiful things and I believed her. She told me what I wanted to hear about, without me saying one word. The only thing I didn’t want to hear was what Joe heard; We were not meant to be together.

I wish he would have stopped to say: no I think this is a good thing. I wish I could have taken a moment to talk to him more. I wish we hadn’t spent that last night together, because now everything feels off. Everything feels naked inside. I just don’t know what to believe and I definitely have gained a bit of self doubt. Everything is just up in the air now. We decided to continue the relationship, but in a slower manner. I miss him so much and now I’m afraid to tell him. I want it to be like before when I could just miss him and go on with my life. Now when I think of him I get worried. I don’t want to go through the process of losing another boyfriend.

I’m going to wait and be patient. That’s all I have. I just have had a few days to gather my thoughts and its going to settle down inside, but for now this is my way of settling down.

Peace