The End to a Very Long Week

Published by Derek under Personal on November 26, 2007

I want to start by thanking all the people that have spent the past week with me. I really enjoyed my time spent with you all, but I’m glad it has come to an end for some time. This week reminded me of how lonely I can be and also how much I long for personal time. I’ve mentioned this paradigm a few times before in my blog, but this week really solidified things for me.

As I’ve said I need to be alone so I can write down all the music in my head. Before it was not easy. I felt scared: almost as if I wasn’t good enough. I felt like I had to prove something to consider myself accomplished. Now I find the opposite to be true. I feel that when I’m not working on my music I am lonely.

I spent the past week with some amazing people. Day and night I was too occupied to sit down at my keyboard and play. I did play a few times while Adam was here, but I felt that he was not the audience I was seeking. I really wanted to sit and write all of my thoughts down onto the score. I have been unable to for over 9 days now and it has been depressing. I realized today that what I seek can only be found when I am at peace with myself and to do that means I need to be playing more music. I’ve said it before but it’s something that I need to constantly remind myself of. It’s something I need to always be focused on, because otherwise I will slip into the cracks of my existence and lose the drive that keeps me afloat during the challenges.

Peace