It’s Over! I’m Free…

Aden and I have seen better days and today proves it. We just can’t communicate and I can’t keep trying. I’m just too frustrated by him it makes me sick. I’m angry and depressed by him and that’s not the way someone should feel. I’m glad it’s over because I just have so much to give that it’s not worth it for someone who wants it everything or nothing at all. I just ask for love and patience. Anyone willing to try?!?

Peace…

And here’s a piece of music that makes me smile. I linked it to this page so I would always remember when I decided to love myself again…

Download There Are Times

One Day Late Demo

I didn’t think I’d get this far today, but I finished the words and format of my new song: One Day Late. I shortened the song by a minute, which I think helped the structure dramatically. I was also thinking of adding another shortened verse and chorus, but we’ll see how I feel after a few days.

The recording aspect was easier than I thought. I recorded the piano track separately and did some mending to the parts where I messed up. I had to jerry-rig a mic stand out of a wooden bookrack so I could sing without holding the mic. I haven’t even touched the quality of the vocal track yet. I have to rerecord it anyway, so I didn’t bother making it sound pretty for all of you. I also will need to practice the vocal line a few times to where I can actually sing it without running out of steam by the bridge. I really want to here what you guys think. I’ll probably start adding parts soon and making it sound like a professional recording.

Download One Day Late

I know you see right through to me
And know me completely,

But I have come to know you
Only by your insecurities.

Why are you ruled by lies,
And let assumptions cover your eyes?

Come on now
Let doubt go,
Come back to me
Don’t let me go.

You tell me you love me
And want me to feel the same

But I’ve seen you more than scared
So tell me who here is to blame

Why are you ruled by lies,
And let assumptions cover your eyes?

Come on now
Let doubt go,
Come back to me
Don’t let me go.

We have the choice
To leave or stay
I know you’ve thought
More than I can say

But here I stand
Waiting to mend
What I thought
Nothing could ever bend

I know you see right through to me
And know me completely,

One Day Late

So I know I said I’d have time yesterday, but after I left the Rock Gym I decided to go to Aden’s for lunch. Of course once I was there I didn’t leave, so of course I did not work on the song. Today on the other hand I did!

I got home from the grocery store and started work immediately after dinner. First I worked on more of the lyrics but this time trying to fit them into the format of the song. I still am deciding lyrics, which is why there are no vocals on this posts’ recording. I do have the first verse and the chorus down. I just need to finalize the second verse and the bridge. This will take some time. After I do this I will start mixing the tracks together and putting more layers in. This is going to take some time; especially since this will be my first song recorded with this much going into it.

I know it’s not much but I hope you like the piano version. It’s of course improvised…what else is new. I just don’t have the time to put this stuff down on paper, it’s not that important. Let me know what you think so far! I will be awaiting your comments! And this is also only a temporary title…

Download One Day Late (Piano Demo)

Still No Sound Recording

Sorry guys, I still haven’t sat down to record the song. I will I promise…you saw the lyrics on my last post and if you haven’t check them out!!! I don’t even know if the lyrics work for it yet. I may have to post a final draft on those at a later date. I’ve got some time tomorrow to work on it if I don’t get distracted too much.

I spent last night with Aden after the lyric post. He apologized the next day, so I couldn’t wait to see him again. I know I’m a sucker. It was nice seeing him and spending the night. We did get in a tiff about hickies, but those things happen. This morning we just went out to brunch at Denny’s, ran some errands, and then I went off to work. Nothing special.

Work was long. I trained the new girl on her second shift in drinks. She’s great and I can’t wait to see how she does with the rest of her training. I’m really just looking forward to sleeping and going to the rock gym in the AM.

Peace and Love…

My New Song Lyrics

I know you see right through to me
And know me completely,

But I have come to know you
Only by your insecurities.

Why do you believe
Only assumptions?

Why do you believe
Only lies?

Come on now
Let doubt go,
Come back to me
Don’t let me go.

I see you there
Standing in front of me.

Hold your head
Up to the sky.

Let yourself be free.

Everything you hoped for will be
For you
And for me.

I see you completely
Diminished by nothing.

Hold on to our love
And let it be something.

I see you there
Standing in front of me.

Hold your head
Up to the sky.

Let yourself be free.

Everything you hoped for will be
For you
And for me.

I know you see right through to me
And know me completely,

My Piano Concerto: A Sample

Because my newest song isn’t done yet I felt the need to post a different piece for you all to enjoy. This though is only a sample of a piano concerto I started. The recording is from the Adagio movement that starts with an extended intro for solo violin. The piano part is an improvisation I made and recorded along to the strings. The strings I mixed together using Logic. As I said it’s only a sample therefore it’s unfinished…do you notice a trend…

Download Piano Concerto Sample

Another Day Without Words

I’m going to actually start this post with some words about yesterday. Thursday was a great day. I made really good tips and I had a great morning. I even called Aden at lunchtime and was looking forward to talking to him later. I made my call (upon his request) when I got homevand he asked me to call back a little later during my errands. No problem as far as I was concerned, until later…

I was on my way to Home Depot and I received a call from my good friend from high school. Nick and I have been trying to make plans to see each other during my visit to see my mom while’s she’s on the east coast. After talking to him during my depot trip I got a text from you know who. He asked if I had forgotten about him or had gotten side tracked. I mentioned briefly over text that I’d call him as soon as I got to the super market and that I had been making plans to see my friend nick.

To make a long story short…Aden got upset. I’m assuming he thought Nick was gay and I’m also assuming he thinks that we could potentially hook up…god if only…but the only thing Aden would tell me was that I upset him and I need to be careful with what I say to him. I must say I was baffled!

I spent over an hour trying to call Aden and he just ignored my calls. I even tried explaining the situation over texts while I ate my dinner. His final words were sort of like this…”It’s funny how these friends I’ve never heard of come out of the woodworks while we’re apart…just wear a condom if you have sex or I’ll never forgive you…” I immediately understood that he thought Nick was one of my ex’s. So I told him that he’s an asshole and I also told him Nick was straight and I turned off my phone. Later all I got in return, in 3 texts, was “I hope I didn’t offend you.”

I’m sorry but to this point I haven’t heard from him and I definitely haven’t bothered to call him. I spent my morning at work and I spent the afternoon cleaning. Tonight I actually went out to Z Bar and Grille with a friend of mine…and by friend I mean he’s not an ex…just to clarify since I obviously only talk about my ex’s using the words “my friend”.

I wrote this post because I wanted to catalogue how long it would take for Aden to call me and apologize…I’m guessing never. I just don’t think he’s going to apologize because he might actually believe I was at fault. All I know is I don’t think I’m going to call him. His reaction upon pure assumption and without any question was appalling and insensitive. And above all to ignore my calls was downright nasty…although I have walked out on him a few times so I guess I deserve that a little bit…

Peace and love everybody…

Fucking Men! Part Two

Yesterday I ran some errands…filled my tires with air, got my hair cut, got breakfast…the usual. Then when I got home I started talking to Aden again. To make a long story short we ended up getting together and hanging out all night. I don’t know why I do this to myself. My better judgment says: “don’t do it you deserve better”, but I think his better judgment is saying the same thing. I must say that I’m glad him and I could work out a few of our differences, but I still have no idea how long this round will last…

For some reason this reencounter with him seemed more real than any of our previous encounters. I feel like him and I are more able to rationalize what’s going on and becoming more aware of each other’s needs. I’m still not sure if the same problems will arise, but I’m trying to look on the brighter side of things.

I know a lot of you will have some very strong opinions about this, and I’m glad. I want to hear it all, even the bad…hey that rhymed. I definitely will not be forgetting you all anytime soon for Aden. I need you all more than ever. At least bear with me while I try to make this relationship work. He’s really not a bad guy; we just have a way of making each other appear to be…

Peace…

p.s. the song is sounding good…just need some lyrics…

Waiting on an Angel

So here we are…another day done. I’m still working on the new song mostly because I haven’t sat down to write any lyrics…but I will soon…I promise. For now I have a cover for you all. This is a piece by Ben Harper. It’s one of the two songs that I can actually play on the guitar. I recorded this on two tracks with a direct input for the guitar and a mic track for vocals. It took a few tries to get a good take and it took some time to figure out the balance, but I think it came out nice.

The reason I’m posting this recording of some one else’s song is because I recorded it originally for Aden. He asked me for a recording so I gave it to him. Today was rough because I was misunderstood and judged without question. I was pushed aside and doubted. I really started to hurt until I realized that Aden is just a fool who doesn’t understand who I really am. I hope you all enjoy.

Peace…

Download Title

Fucking Men!

I spent the entire day working and it was the busiest I’ve ever seen it at Pastiche. I get home and I’m completely exhausted. I woke up from my nap around 7:00 and I just felt like I usually do…lonely. It’s not that I am alone, I just keep thinking about my ex-boyfriend.

Aden was a sweet guy and you can all check out his website in my blogroll if you’d like. Let’s just say for argument sake that him and I didn’t see eye to eye. We just couldn’t communicate as hard as we tried to. So today after all the shit I put up with I sent him a text. I probably shouldn’t have, but I can’t help knowing how he is doing. Of course both of us are emotional wrecks and we can’t think of the other without feeling a gorging pain ripping apart our insides, so needless to say it wasn’t easy to even chat with him over text. I just find myself at a loss with him. I wished for a man who would love me and listen to me, but I only got part of what I bargained for. Now here I am trying to get him to talk and work with me on improving the situation and try to remain friends. But when someone wants to cut you out of their lives it just isn’t easy.

Maybe I’m a fool, because he’s done some pretty crazy shit, but I just see a side of him that I can’t get out of my mind. I wish for nothing other than resolution and understanding…

So to ease the pain I called my friends and tried to distract myself…but the texts kept coming. So at last I sat down and I played the one thing I love more than anything…my Piano. I started writing a song that I am in love with. It’s pretty simple, but the chord structure is the definition of how I’m feeling. I love music and I love how it makes me feel better despite what’s happening in my life…I’ll post some lyrics tomorrow and hopefully some of the music…

Peace…